Showing posts from July, 2013

The process

Maybe changing a few things will make everything fall into place.  It started with a call that I was supposed to make, but instead I received said call.  And then things started to feel less uncomfortable.  But now I must wait until the process is complete so I can go on and finish with I started.

It's only a matter of time now. 

I feel like I have used the words "started" and "now" too many times.  

The failure

The moment when the other person fails, is the moment when you feel the right to fail back.  And you stop feeling bad about it.  In fact, it feels good.  Deep inside you know that your mind thinks that you're helping on balancing the world's Karma.  But it isn't as simple as that.  The truth is, when you fail, the only person you're hurting is you. 

But failing isn't bad.  It is part of a process, in this case, the vengeance process.  Even if you don't want to reciprocate, no human is perfect... eventually you're going to make mistakes.  And you will love it.  You will love to fight about your right of being wrong.

Don't be sorry, life is too short to waste emotions on being so.  Just live ahead.  Wake up, live, go back to sleep, so you can wake up tomorrow, and so on. 

Maybe these words are coming out of my head right now because I feel like I have failed, and this blog is the only comfort I have left.  No friends, no problems.  Keeping the distance …

The intermission

It seemed simpler when it was all in my head.  But now that it's out there, somewhere, it is not as easy as it appeared before.  Life is not complicated.  We make it feel that way.  With the questions, with the doubts.  The lack of privacy.  We should live our lives, not harming others, but also not caring about others.  That's the way I think it should be done.  But we are too emotional to do so. 

Instead we leave a trail of clues for everyone to discover.  Because we want to be out there in some kind of way. 

Take me for example, yes me, this is my blog... I'm not social, I'm not open to others, but I miss the days when I was younger, excited about life, about school, about friends, movies, even music.  But I'm only 24 and I already feel lost in my own steps. 

I did try to do better, and I think I did make it.  It just didn't last enough. 

Now I must start from scratch, I must take down the walls that I have created.  But of course, little by little.  Nob…

The meaning

I'm trying to remember why I walked away in the first place, but my memories seem blurred out by my feelings.  I hate this.  I can't think straight.  All I keep re-living in my mind is that nothing is going to be the same.  I was up in space back then.  Now I'm being held by this insane abyss, not knowing what to say, write.  Not knowing how to keep alive a simple conversation.  I want to run away, literally.  Just leave my cellphone and computer behind, and run. 

I'm not sorry for what I did, said or thought.  That's me, this is me.  I don't belong to anybody, to any place, to any belief.  I belong to me.  Maybe I seem to be stuck, but I'm really not.  I travel all the time, deep inside my mind, I go places. 

Yes, I'm a daydreamer.  And my mistake was to give those dreams permission to capture me, and when I finally got loose, I got caught in a never-ending tornado of emotions.  I don't have patience now, but I'm always calmed. 

Now I'm …

The message

...and I stood there, in complete silence, trying to understand the message written in the same language that I've known for years, written with the same joke that we've known for a long time.  But, could it be? 

I was sleeping when it happened, and I was barely awake when I read it.  But now that I'm fully awake, I'm scared that it may not mean something at all.  That maybe it is just a passing-through kind of signature, or just a Hi-Bye if I may...  And that is what's scares me. 

I want it to be something, I want it to stay forever like it should have been.  But I'm too confused to decipher it.  It's like it's written in another language with a hidden purpose. 

I've been wanting to write, I've been wanting to break my promise, my personal promise.  Now it seems like my words are not carved in stone. 

I wanted to answer back, I wanted to give an interesting feedback.  But I didn't know how, at this point I didn't know anything.  So …