It seemed simpler when it was all in my head. But now that it's out there, somewhere, it is not as easy as it appeared before. Life is not complicated. We make it feel that way. With the questions, with the doubts. The lack of privacy. We should live our lives, not harming others, but also not caring about others. That's the way I think it should be done. But we are too emotional to do so.
Instead we leave a trail of clues for everyone to discover. Because we want to be out there in some kind of way.
Take me for example, yes me, this is my blog... I'm not social, I'm not open to others, but I miss the days when I was younger, excited about life, about school, about friends, movies, even music. But I'm only 24 and I already feel lost in my own steps.
I did try to do better, and I think I did make it. It just didn't last enough.
Now I must start from scratch, I must take down the walls that I have created. But of course, little by little. Nob…
I'm trying to remember why I walked away in the first place, but my memories seem blurred out by my feelings. I hate this. I can't think straight. All I keep re-living in my mind is that nothing is going to be the same. I was up in space back then. Now I'm being held by this insane abyss, not knowing what to say, write. Not knowing how to keep alive a simple conversation. I want to run away, literally. Just leave my cellphone and computer behind, and run.
I'm not sorry for what I did, said or thought. That's me, this is me. I don't belong to anybody, to any place, to any belief. I belong to me. Maybe I seem to be stuck, but I'm really not. I travel all the time, deep inside my mind, I go places.
Yes, I'm a daydreamer. And my mistake was to give those dreams permission to capture me, and when I finally got loose, I got caught in a never-ending tornado of emotions. I don't have patience now, but I'm always calmed.